Proper Etiquette (disambiguation)

There is so much strife in the world today, I believe this can be attributed to a downward spiral of civility (or the lack of) in people and governments around the world toward their fellow humans. Maybe some of these spirals can be attributed to:

• disrespect of a person’s

1. Religion
2. form of Government
3. Ethnicity
4. family
5. traditions
6. diet
7. hygiene
8. age
9. appearance
10. authority

In the past (The Good Old Days) there were rules in the ways one person treated another. These rules were known as Etiquette. I remember my mom having a large, thick, heavy book of rules compiled by Emily Post called: The Rules of Etiquette (small side note on this book: when ever I committed a faux pas, my mom would haul out this reference book and show me my error and how I was supposed to act, (anyone who knows me can judge the effect of said actions! ;-P) subsequent  faux pas were followed with an application of the book to the side of my head!!!) some of these rules are no longer applicable in today’s world, but the idea of having a general set of guide rules might be a good idea that would make people think first before speaking or acting (and the understanding that the consequences of non-compliance apply equally to all parties involved). Imagine if before telling Achmed-Mohead-Mudhead that his god is the bastard son of a goat, you asked politely for his explanation of his heathen religion and why he chooses to worship excrement. Maybe this would cause him to realize that your religion is the only true one, forcing him to defuse his bomb vest (or detonate it away from you, possibly back at his home base) and thankfully sign all his oil rights over to you.

With this in mind, I am starting my own list of rules. This list will be open ended, and updated whenever the “Stimulant Genie” takes hold of my thoughts, I welcome comments and if your suggestions are applicable, I will add them to the list (with acknowledgement to author).

And now the List 

• Category Civility (how to act in public)

1. Always tip your hat before striking someone.
2. Acknowledge your farts with a catch phrase (Fire in the hole! Someone step on a duck? be creative).
3. If you see a person trip, slip, fall, bump their head or any other act of clumsiness. Check for serious injury ( if so, work on alibi, and change location) if not too serious, throw your head back while pointing at person and laugh loudly (this will lighten the mood due to the person feeling embarrassed and not wanting to call further attention to this episode, also preventing a lawsuit) This is what I ask of my friends when I trip.

• Category On Being A Gentleman 

1. A gentleman will always step out of the shower to take a piss
2. A gentleman will always remember a woman’s birthday, but never which one .

• Category Hygiene

1. When using the shower room at a gym, NEVER pick up a piece of kernel corn that you see on the floor.
2. Don’t wash the “naughty bits” longer than needed.