Unwelcomed Company

On Nuns: you can kiss a nun, you just can’t get into “The Habit”

On Brothers: how can you trust a man who lives with other men, can’t have a relationship with a woman, wears a housecoat all the time, and lacks fashion sense to the point of ignoring using a belt but instead wears a knotted rope to accessorize his outfit?

On Priests: why go to a man (who has chosen celibacy as a way of life) for guidance on marital life’s ups and downs?

More on Priests: Rescinding the Celibacy rule, limiting the Masses per morning that a priest can celebrate (during the Eucharist, multiple glasses of Our Lord’s Blood (sweet wine) might cloud one’s judgement), and surround him with young boys on their knees dressed in lacy frocks, perhaps would cut down on some of the occurrences of sexual abuse

On Symbolism: I understand the sacrifices of Jesus for Humanity, but celebrating eating His body and drinking His blood borders on legitimizing cannibalism.

On statues of The Saints: I’m sure in real life The Saints weren’t concerned with their fashion sense and more about their Beliefs and helping the less fortunate but most statues I’ve seen look like they were dressed by 17th century English Poof-Dahs.

On the Church’s possessions: if your intentions are to help others that are less fortunate than you, by sharing your money and possessions why would you believe that your donation would be distributed to the needy, with minimal “administrative cost deductions” by an organization that seems to hoard more gold than Fort Knox?

There is so much strife in the world today, I believe this can be attributed to a downward spiral of civility (or the lack of) in people and governments around the world toward their fellow humans. Maybe some of these spirals can be attributed to:

• disrespect of a person’s

1. Religion
2. form of Government
3. Ethnicity
4. family
5. traditions
6. diet
7. hygiene
8. age
9. appearance
10. authority

In the past (The Good Old Days) there were rules in the ways one person treated another. These rules were known as Etiquette. I remember my mom having a large, thick, heavy book of rules compiled by Emily Post called: The Rules of Etiquette (small side note on this book: when ever I committed a faux pas, my mom would haul out this reference book and show me my error and how I was supposed to act, (anyone who knows me can judge the effect of said actions! ;-P) subsequent  faux pas were followed with an application of the book to the side of my head!!!) some of these rules are no longer applicable in today’s world, but the idea of having a general set of guide rules might be a good idea that would make people think first before speaking or acting (and the understanding that the consequences of non-compliance apply equally to all parties involved). Imagine if before telling Achmed-Mohead-Mudhead that his god is the bastard son of a goat, you asked politely for his explanation of his heathen religion and why he chooses to worship excrement. Maybe this would cause him to realize that your religion is the only true one, forcing him to defuse his bomb vest (or detonate it away from you, possibly back at his home base) and thankfully sign all his oil rights over to you.

With this in mind, I am starting my own list of rules. This list will be open ended, and updated whenever the “Stimulant Genie” takes hold of my thoughts, I welcome comments and if your suggestions are applicable, I will add them to the list (with acknowledgement to author).

And now the List 

• Category Civility (how to act in public)

1. Always tip your hat before striking someone.
2. Acknowledge your farts with a catch phrase (Fire in the hole! Someone step on a duck? be creative).
3. If you see a person trip, slip, fall, bump their head or any other act of clumsiness. Check for serious injury ( if so, work on alibi, and change location) if not too serious, throw your head back while pointing at person and laugh loudly (this will lighten the mood due to the person feeling embarrassed and not wanting to call further attention to this episode, also preventing a lawsuit) This is what I ask of my friends when I trip.

• Category On Being A Gentleman 

1. A gentleman will always step out of the shower to take a piss
2. A gentleman will always remember a woman’s birthday, but never which one .

• Category Hygiene

1. When using the shower room at a gym, NEVER pick up a piece of kernel corn that you see on the floor.
2. Don’t wash the “naughty bits” longer than needed.